Do you know how amazing it is to have capacity for life?

Maybe you're reading this and you absolutely do not right now. Maybe you are reading this thinking, "shut the fuck up Matilda, I can't even begin to imagine having capacity for life". Maybe you're reading this and desperately wishing that you did know what that felt like.

I get it. I really do.

You might not believe me. You might be thinking, "it's all well and good for you"

*insert any other potential assumption or perception about my life and my lived experience*

Again. I get it. I have been there. I still am there sometimes.

Yes, my lived experience is different to yours. Yes, I do not know what it is like to be you or live your life. Yes, I will have had advantages that you have not had. Yes, I will have had support that you have not had.

But the reverse is also true. There will be advantages and support that you have that others do not. Can you recognise that? Can you feel the truth in that?

We often covet what we do not have. We regularly create a narrative about other people that exists in opposition to ourselves. "well they only got that because of *insert assumption here* if I had that advantage I would be able to have what they have"

We do this so that we can avoid confronting our own advantages and support that already exist. You might covet money when you have family supporting you. While someone who has money covets having familial support. Who has more advantage? Who is better off?

Anyway, I have travelled along a tanget (happens regularly, I shall never apoligise for it).

So, my original message. Having capacitiy for life can feel insermountable when you are in a sense of overwhelm and maximum capacity already.

It can show up in lots of different ways. Feeling unwell and burnt out. Not being able to brush your teeth. Ignoring all the emails building up in your inbox. Wanting to be able to do the ever growing mountain of laundry sitting in the corner of your room but not being able to bring yourself to do it. Wishing you could respond to the messages from your friends and family who you love who you are sure think you're a horrible person and that you hate them because you've left their message on read for 6-months while you've still been posting on Instagram and Facebook. Feeling sticky and dirty but the prospect of having a shower feels way too overstimulating and like way too much work (you mean I have to get undressed, get in the shower, get out and dry my entire body and then get dressed in clean clothes? but I havent done my laundry so I dont have any clean pyjamas? and I dont want to be clean and get in bedding that hasn't been washed in a month? and it's too late in the evening to naturally dry my hair but I don't want to use the hairdryer?)

I have a feeling you won't believe me right now when I tell you that it can all change completely. That you can get to a point in your life where you are dealing with BIG, intense, overwhelming life stuff (on top of regular overwhelming life stuff because lets be honest modern day life has become too much for everyone), and still have capacity.

It might look and feel a little different. You might not be able to communicate as clearly or compassionately. You may be perceiving the world from a shifted perspective. BUT you can still brush your teeth. You can still shower. You can keep on top of your laundry. You can remember to particiapte in the practices that nourish you and fill up your cup.

Not only can you cope with the difficult aspects of life, but you can also experience the magical moments of life. You don't have to miss out on events, experiences, trips, or opportunities because life already feels too much and even if it is something that seems fun on the surafce you just do not have the energy. Now you can say yes when you genuinely want to. You can do the fun things and the daily life things and not have to compromise on either.

It IS possible.

It doesn't have to be a distant dream.

Even if you can't currently comprehend that version of yourself. I invite you to imagine the possibility. How would that version of you feel? What would that kind of life look and feel like? What would they think, feel, say, do differently? Are there small, simple ways you can start embodying that?

Can you have a play with existing as that version of yourself and seeing how that feels? And then are you ready to begin making those daily choices that shift your path in the direction you truly want it to go?

I believe you can.

Now it's up to you to believe you can.

Much Love,

Matilda 💚

p.s. explore the ways I can support you on my website www.matildakelsall.com or email me thisismatildakelsall@gmail.com