No is a complete sentence...

...feels much easier said than done when you have existed your entire life feeling like it is your responsibility to make everyone around you feel valued, appreciated, and happy, even at your own expense.

How many moments have you experienced where you have found yourself coming up with some elaborate or convoluted reasoning or justification for why you can't do or be a part of something?

Overexplaining and oversharing an expanse of unnecessary information that nobody asked for (or even wanted).

Elaborating or embellishing your actual plans to make it seem like you really wanted to, but you just couldn't make it work.

Or perhaps even just outright lying and making something up so you don't have to just say the words "I don't want to".

Don't worry, you're not alone.

I have been there (many times over).

Up until today, I have existed with varying degrees of people-pleasing tendencies, ranging from extreme to mild, depending on the circumstances. This has always shown up most apparently when being asked to do something I don't want to do. I have never felt safe or comfortable in just being honest and saying "no thanks, I don't want to".

Today I said "no thanks, I don't fancy it"...and wow, what a milestone.

I once never could have imagined being able to just say the words 'no, I'm not interested' without feeling compelled to make up some convoluted and intricate tale about why I couldn't go because the stars weren't aligned, the moon was waning gibbous, and Mercury was about to enter retrograde.

Or I would be vague and non-commital and then bow out at the very last moment.

Now, today, here I am being honest and truthful that I don't want to go because plain and simple, I just don't want to go.

I cannot even begin to put into words how incredible it feels to have been able to say that and genuinely feel no guilt or anxiety or apprehension about it.

All of my life, I have existed in a state of people-pleasing.

Keeping parts of myself, my truths hidden, for fear of upsetting the people around me.

And there are still moments where I still do. Where it doesn't feel safe or comfortable for me to express myself fully and speak my truth.

BUT

to have had a moment like this where it came so easily (not once, but twice to two different people) to kindly say "thanks, but I don't fancy it, have a lovely time" and to have that be received and understood was pure magic and a moment I am absolutely bringing into my awareness and celebrating!!

Yes, there will most likely be other occasions where I do still end up over-explaining and slipping into people-pleasing, but...

A) that doesn't diminish this moment

B) genuine change occurs through repetition and practice

C) I only got to this place by bringing awareness to how I respond in these situations, so I know any future occurrences of people-pleasing will continue to help me learn and grow

If you wish you could 'just say no' without having to come up with an elaborate story, please know that it is possible. You absolutely can get there. But it does require creating change within yourself. Bringing awareness to your interactions. Learning to respond to yourself with love and compassion (rather than the mean comments and names you currently use in your self-talk) so you can learn, grow, and make different choices as you move forward.

If this sounds too daunting to begin alone, you can sign up to the waitlist for Trust Yourself, my online group support system. Autumn 2026 for 12 weeks, where you learn to know, trust, and love yourself 💚

Much Love,

Matilda ✨

https://www.matildakelsall.com/trustyourself-waitlist